These dirty boots...

Does anybody have 900 dollars?

2005-08-23T23:22:00.000-04:00

Too bad. My friend Ash and I really want to go see the Rolling Stones in September. And Beck is opening! It's the chance of a lifetime. The only seats left are $450 each. If by some divine miracle I can come up with the money I would be the happiest chick around.

But of course, things don't work like that. Ain't reality a bitch?

"You have a blog?!" (Insert drunken laughter here)

2005-08-20T15:24:00.000-04:00

To celebrate my being finished school finally, my friends and I went drinking last night. The bouncer at Clancy's wouldn't let me in, so we went to the Only, which was packed. We ended up settling at The Rusty Snail, which is a very nice little spot indeed. We drank about 5 pitchers between the five of us, so about a pitcher each. Tarah and I got all emotional with the whole "you're my best friend, I love you!" stuff. It was pretty comical. And there was lots of boob grabbing between Kaytee and Tarah.

I had a great time, it was just what I had needed. My friends thought it was pretty funny that I have a blog. I guess it is pretty dorky. Oh well, I don't care. It just shows how "tortured" and "attention-seeking" I am. :D

I remember throwing a big bunch of black-eyed susans on somebody's car. Somebody is gonna wake up happy, I hope. :D

Pondering the merit of selfishness + the ignorance of society

2005-08-15T22:22:00.000-04:00

I am very self-serving and attention-seeking. Is this wrong?

I think I am extremely attractive and I have a great personality beneath my quiet demeanor, but no one else seems to really think so as much as I do. Is this really self-absorbtion or is everyone else just wrong/blind?

Are there people out there like me, anywhere? Err... maybe it would be better if there was a minimal amount. I am great, but yes, I can be rather taxing to some individuals.

Heart attack at the tender age of 20

2005-08-12T11:36:00.000-04:00

I have a whole pile of shit to deal with this week... and I am approaching the end of the semester but everyday the jitters and chest pains and tummy/head aches just get worse. I think I am having an angina attack right now because my heart feels tight but not like I'm gonna die or anything...

Sleep levels have been low and workloads high. I have an exam in like an hour and I haven't studied. Lost the notes and my brain. I am looking forward to 11 pm when I can curl up in my nest and not have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and smash my enemy, the alarm clock. I never realized how valuable sleep is until I didn't have time to do it anymore.

When this is all done, I'm gonna have a big giant can of beer in one hand and a joint in the other. Ohhh yeeeah.

2005-08-07T19:56:00.000-04:00

After doing some research, I have come to the conclusion that I probably just wasted 15 thousand bucks. I have strong doubts that I will ever be able to find a decent job, or even a job for that matter, in my field. I'm getting very nervous because school is finished in two weeks and I can't find anything. Plus, it doesn't help that I happen to reside in Peterborough, Jobless Capital of Central Ontario. There are tons of culinary students here with much more knowledge and experience than I have and they can't even find jobs. Eeek.

Tarah is having lots of trouble just finding a job... any job. Hard times all around.

Blah. Thinking about it all is just making me stressed and exhausted.

Yo soy muy loca!!

2005-08-04T11:33:00.000-04:00

Hi. I almost forgot that I had this thing. I've been way busy though. I moved into my new place the 4th of July and it's been great. Everyone is getting along just fine, and there's lots of space. It's nice not feeling like I'm in solitary confinement anymore.

School has been occupying 70% of my time, and work 20% of my time. That leaves me with 10% leisure time, most of which is spent doing laundry or buying groceries... But I will not fret; it'll all be over in a couple of weeks.

I bugged Sam into giving me a raise. But I'm still keeping my eye out for anything remotely more enjoyable than making pizzas. I'm sick of sniffling all the time like a goddamn cokehead. All the flour that gets up my nose is causing serious damage to my nasal passages. Yeah, it's disgusting. *sniff*

I'm trying to learn how to complain less. People don't like whiners. I don't like whiners. I don't like my whining. How do I learn how to have a "positive outlook" on life if I've never had one? Suggestions are welcome.

I've been doing a lot of self-analysis lately. Something about me is off; I don't know what yet.

Also, I'm trying to quit smoking. It's making me all monster-like. RAGHOOOMIINOOLAAARGHIIUUUU!!!

[If I had a nickel for every lie fed to me...]

2005-06-25T13:09:00.000-04:00

I have to go back to my old job. I am not pleased about this. The money is my motivator. And I'm gonna grill the bastards for a raise.

I've decided to never go back to Brockville again. I know I've said this before, but I think I can say this genuinely. The wrong people have fucked with me... I have no reason to go back. I love you Mom and Ryan, but if you guys want to see me, you know my number.

I have a strange life. It amuses and frustrates me to no freakin' end.

It's raining... [not men, though]

2005-06-17T11:44:00.000-04:00

What a boring day. I'm stuck at school doing nothing because I have to wait until 2 o'clock to write a quiz for "Teams in the Workplace". It's such a bullshitty course that I an stuck with. Damn mandatory credits.

Potentially busy weekend ahead. I want to get a lot of packing done so I am not scrambling to do it all last minute like the last time I moved. I also have to go with Tarah and drop off the deposit for our new place. It's all very exciting.

My boss Sam wants me to work again, maybe this weekend. I really don't want to, but I am seriously considering it because I need the money badly. I still haven't heard from Holiday Inn, so I will probably end up dragging my sorry ass back to Pizza Pizza. *sigh*

I had lunch with Liz yesterday and her new girlfriend and her friend. It was nice, and we went to St. Veronus for lunch. The service blows, but the food is delicious. I felt a little bit out of place because I didn't know what they were talking about most of the time. Oh well.

I'm so poor. I wish I would have tried harder so I could have received a scholarship of some sort.

Yay!

2005-06-13T20:10:00.000-04:00

So, my friends and I looked at two places today. The first of which was a house way up on Aylmer... it was a decent place, but the second place on George was gorgeous! It was a 4-bedroom apartment, beautiful high ceilings, and it's like half a house. We're definitely putting in an application for it. I can't wait to move out of this tiny, craptastic room. Even better, I can't wait to have an actual living room!! It's all very exciting. The only problem is, I will be incredibly poor soon. And I haven't heard back from Holiday Inn yet.

Blabbering

2005-06-11T00:22:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I continue to write in this when I am drunk. I guess it amuses me or something. I went out for some beer and the whole thing was quite uneventful. I have a complex about being a very boring person. I think the problem really is though, is that I don't let anyone actually know me well enough. Opening up to people is like the hardest thing to do, especially when it's easy to tell too much or to expose weaknesses. I feel like I have this hard-shelled exterior but I'm really this big soft doormat-type. And both are not good. This is the problem with my drinking. I become way too analytical and I start to not make any sense to anyone listening to me ramble. I think it's a trait that runs in my family... along with the alcoholism. I'm lucky however, that I am not an alcoholic.

Hm... what was my point, anyways?

Oh... and I got stung by a bee this afternoon. That sucked.

"I could fry an egg on your head right now..." it's freakin' HOT enough!

2005-06-09T19:37:00.000-04:00

I had my job interview today. I was pretty nervous, so I kept blanking out and stumbling over my words. I really hope that I get the job; I refuse to go back to Pizza Pizza. As long as my references come through for me, I should be hearing that callback on Tuesday. *crosses fingers*

I bought some cute new clothes. Summer is fun for the clothing aspect. This tiny room of mine is boiling though! I think I have the hottest room in the house.

Oh well. I've been looking at apartment/house listings for my friends and I. There's a lot of nice places, but who knows how long they'll be available.

Blah. It's so hot my brain's melting.

Finally, some good news!

2005-06-06T16:55:00.000-04:00

I got a call back from Holiday Inn after becoming so discouraged that I gave up on working there. It's a dishwashing job, but the HR lady said that I could advance to a prep cook, then a cook after I get some experience. I don't care, though. It will be murder on my back, but I will have to kill everyone if I stay at Pizza Pizza. Too much stress, too many memories. So, yay for new job! Well, my interview is Thursday, so I'm not hired yet, but I doubt I will need such high credentials to wash dishes. :P

Drunken important ramblings

2005-06-05T01:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, so i'm drunk righjt now. who cares? but don't you hate it when some sonofabitch steals your heart and then rips it out and destroys it? well, thats what happened to me. but i went out tonight and had fuckin fun. why let someone have the satisfaction of ruining your life? it's just not worth it. and i've been through enough hardships to know when something is not worth my time.

"Wild horses couldn’t drag me away..."

2005-06-02T19:40:00.000-04:00

Today was a really long day. I stayed after school to help with prep for an upcoming function. I really need the hours badly. I think I still need another 65+ hours to graduate. *Sigh* My boss called me today because apparently I was supposed to work today even though I'm only supposed to be working there every Saturday, starting this weekend. Grah, I don't care.

I can't believe I haven't even had a smoke yet today. I think the hot weather makes it harder for me to smoke or something. Maybe that's why I still feel bitchy.

I almost didn't even want to go to school this morning. I slept okay, but then I started crying whilst applying my makeup. And then I have to convince myself not to cry, mainly because it will ruin the makeup. But that makes it worse, because I knew that I shouldn't, but I couldn't stop myself.

I always feel like I have to "pull myself together" everyday. I don't think that is a good thing, but it's all I really know how to do right now.

School & other "fun" activities

2005-06-01T23:07:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm boiling alive. Today must have been the hottest day of the year so far. My skin hurts from that much sun exposure. It was nice at school, but kind of shitty because the lab was like being inside an oven.

I went out for a while tonight and drank with a couple of my friends. Just a couple beers... I needed to get out and relax. I love this weather for the reason that beers and salads are so perfect (not usually together though).

Home sickness is weird... when you go back, it is always so uncomfortable or strange. It's like "I don't even belong here, why'd I come back?" I'm not saying that I treat every encounter like this. Quite a few, I guess.

God this thing is so random. I don't even explain my life in a logical way, and yet I expect people to read/possibly enjoy this? That might be a little too much to ask for. I just hate having to describe myself in a fill-out-a-profile kind of way. I mean, anyone can like the music that I do, but that definitely cannot tell a whole lot about a person. It seems like it can, but I like to look beyond all that.

I think that this is beginning to make less and less sense, the more that I type.

Fresh Bloggyness

2005-05-30T20:26:00.000-04:00

Wow, so I have finally got a functioning blog again, thanks to Robyn! I somehow lost the majority of my knowledge about html and website design. Oh well.

I had the whole weekend off, and I went home to visit my family and friends. Everything went okay, but I always feel like leaving the second I arrive back there. I'm just so relieved to be back at home again.

Life is hectic. Blah.